


Wanna Tussle Again?

by Infinity_Pain



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, WandaVision (TV)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Crack Fic, F/M, Flirting, I don’t know if it is but I’m tagging to be safe, In fact several people asked me specifically not to do this, I’ve seen like fifteen minutes of Days of Future Past, Kissing, Multiverse, Not Canon Compliant, Out of Character, Post-Canon, Rare Pairings, Retcon, Sexual Tension, Tension, and yet here we are, god this is embarrassing, no one asked for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29933733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infinity_Pain/pseuds/Infinity_Pain
Summary: Monica Rambeau is nothing if not thorough. She’s sure that “Ralph” knows more than he lets on and she’s determined to get her answer. If only he would be serious for five seconds and stop flirting.I only work for the validation of others so please leave comments :)
Relationships: Monica Rambeau/Ralph Bohner
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	Wanna Tussle Again?

Of course, even with the Westview anomaly wrapped up there were still other matters to attend to. Namely that of Ralph Boner, or Fietro as Monica had learned some people called him. It seemed on the surface that everything had been tied up with him, just a typical Westview resident under Agatha’s spell thanks to a necklace. But Monica Rambeau was nothing if not thorough and moreover, she was sure that the explanation she´d discovered when locked in his house wasn't the true answer. It was too clean, too simple. 

If he had been just some guy, they would have found him. And why did he just happen to have his headshot lying around the house? It was a misdirect and she knew it. Of course she wouldn´t voice her concerns to anyone else in the organization, she knew well enough from Wanda that big confrontations like that only led to escalation. So, as the rest of the military and FBI cleared out she decided to give him a visit. After all, she knew where he lived. Standing on the porch and knocking on the door she waited for a moment before being greeted by the man himself.

He stared at her for a second, looking slightly confused and Monica took this as an opportunity to scan him over. Still in his clothes selected that he’d been wearing before he gave off an powerful mid 2000s stoner sort of vibe,the beanie on his head pulled on hastily leaving only a few strands of messy platinum blond almost silver hair peeking out, completely out of place. The slacker vibe he gave off was evident in the rest of his outfit as well as his general stace as he slouched against the doorframe. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity he acknowledged her.

¨Listen, after the day I´ve had unless you're selling girl scout cookies i´m not interested in talking.¨ he said bluntly as he began to close the door on her. Of course, she wouldn't allow that to be the end of it, easily slotting her hand in and stopping the door from closing before beginning with her side of the story.

¨I promise I´m not here with any government body okay, and while I don't have any girl scout cookies I'm sure that if I can forgive you holding me in your basement you can forgive my lack of Thin Mints.¨ she offered, trying to respond with the slight bit of humor. This seemed at least a little effective as the smile that crossed his face was obvious. Opening the door slightly more he looked around her and then back to her face.

¨You going around to every victim's house to harass them, or just me?¨ he asked slightly indigent though that immature, almost adolescent humor that had been so pronounced in his ¨character¨ was still present. She couldn't help but indulge it a little.

¨Would it make you feel better about it if I said it was because you're special?¨ she asked and Pierto (Ralph? Fietro? It was too confusing) smirked for a moment before it faded and he shook his head.

¨Not really no.¨ he said before finally closing the door in her face. Monica had not expected that reaction and though she was prepared to wait on that porch all night if she had to she was more than pleased when she heard the tell-tale click of locks opening and the door was opened all of the way to allow her in.

¨I see you changed your mind, glad to know you appreciate being special.¨ Monica said as she entered the home. Pietro quickly responded to her comment with deflection as he closed the door behind her.

¨I´m sorry to burst your bubble but I´m not exactly all that interesting or special, I'm really just some guy.¨ he offered. Monica ignored this in favor of trying to gather more information from him while she could.

¨Most guys are,¨ she said before turning her attention to his clothing once again. It stood to reason that most people wouldn't stay dressed in the outfits that they were placed in while inside the anomaly and moreover, after the Hex went down everyone's clothes had been observed as going back to normal. Not Pietro´s however, those clothes were real, not a mutation by Wanda, Agatha, or anybody else. He really was just like that. ¨Nice get up by the way.¨ she mentioned poking fun at this. Pietro immediately deflected from her comment.

¨Not like I had much of a choice in it, but I'll take the compliment anyway.¨ he said. Monica knew that it obviously wasn't true, but calling him out now would definitely be too early, who or what ever he was, he was smart enough not to admit anything. ¨What some tea or something?¨ he asked and didn´t wait for an answer as he walked off to the kitchen in order to make some.

¨You drink tea?” she asked, slightly caught off guard. She definitely wouldn't take him, his character or evidently the real him, as the type.

¨Nah, not really, but that chick left a bunch in my house so I figured I might as well drink it.¨ he responded from the kitchen he riffled through several boxes of the tea left in the kitchen.

¨You´re just going to drink what she left in your house? You do know she was evil right?¨ Monica questioned before setting another verbal trap. ¨Do you know something I don’t?¨ she asked. Just as she´d anticipated that he would, Pietro launched into another defense of himself. 

¨I don't know what you´re trying to imply, but like I said, I´m just some guy.¨ he offered. ¨What type of tea do you want?¨ he questioned holding up two types and Monica, far more interested in their conversation then the tea selected one at random. As Pietro put on a kettle she looked at his physical form. Despite giving off the vibe of someone who spent more of his time playing video games in his basement he was surprisingly fit though she wasn't sure if his outfit was helping or hurting on that front.

¨You know, for some guy, you're pretty in shape. Do a lot of running?¨ she asked and he turned to her and over-exaggeratingly rolled his eyes.

¨That a good one, you should be a comedian.¨ he responded and Monica stifled a chuckle. ¨Though, I guess I should be flattered that you're looking.¨ he added with a wink and though she knew he was messing with her Monica couldn't help but be a little flustered at the comment. 

¨You know I didn't mean it like that.¨ she retorted and Pietro walked over to her as the tea continued to boil.

¨How did you mean it?¨ he asked syly before that rakish smirk departed from his face once again. ¨I guess you wanted me to say something that would give you the proof you need I was some sort of super-person right? So the feds could burst in and take me away and you could get a little pat on the back for a job well done?¨ he questioned slightly more intensely, but not at all angry.

¨Hey, like a I told you I´m not here with anybody. This is strictly off the books.¨ she said earnestly. He raised an eyebrow at her for a moment before returning to his previous immature and affable personality.

¨Well, sorry to tell you that whatever you were hoping for, you're not going to find it here. That Agatha chick had me under spell.” he said with a venir of earnestness. Monica saw an opening and she took, she was so close to the truth, all that she needed was to get him to admit what she was already sure of.

“Right but that’s the funny part actually, I keep thinking, if she could do that, why wouldn’t she at least make you match up with Wanda’s actual brother, why choose someone who looks completely different if she could give powers to anyone? Unless of course, she couldn’t do that.” She posed nonchalantly.

¨What are you talking about?¨ Pietro questioned.

¨Well it's just that it doesn’t quite make sense, if Agatha could make anyone Pietro why did she choose you? The way I see it there’s two options. One, she picked you at complete random even though you look and act nothing like her brother. Or two, Agatha didn’t have a choice, she used you because you already had those powers.” she said seriously. Pietro was silenced by this for a moment before giving a response.

¨What are you trying to get out of all of this?¨ he asked seriously as he approached her closer. ¨What do you want?¨ She of course wasn't one to be threatened or intimidated, and Pietro of all people wasn't going to scare her. Still, while he wasn't anything like what she was used to finding attractive it was fairly objective that he wasn't ugly, and more importantly he was very close to her. So, perhaps because she was a bit flustered by all of that Monica slipped up slightly when giving her response.

¨I want you.¨ she said accidentally and the mortified look that crossed her face when it slipped out must have been obvious as Pietro´s facade of seriousness quickly slipped away as a smile cracked through and he began laughing as Monica grew more embarrassed.

¨When you said you were here off the books I didn't know that’s what you were here for.¨ he said through his own laughter. ¨I mean you could have just asked, i'm definitely into it.¨ Monica tried to regain her composure as she responded.

¨I meant to say I want you to tell me who you are.¨ she said though she still couldn't quite look Pietro in the eyes as he continued laughing.

¨Well that's uh, not what you said.¨ he responded, still chuckling. ¨A little freudian slip maybe?¨ he added and Monica rolled her eyes as the kettle whistled and Pietro walked back into the kitchen returning and handing her a teacup which he poured the liquid into. Taking a sip she was struck by the bitterness of the flavor, though the light hints of mint on the palette balanced it nicely. Setting the cup to the side she continued.

¨You know, I´m serious about wanting to know who you are.¨ she said and Pietro looked smug at this.

¨You already do, I´m Ralph Bohner, the boner man.¨ he added and had to stifle a chuckle at his own supposed name. Monica shook her head.

¨You might be able to change the subject on Wanda, but as for me that's not going to work. Why did Agatha choose you?¨ she questioned and Pietro took a seat and pretended not to hear her as he sipped more on his tea. Monica walked over to him, as she prepared to go on the offensive. ¨You know, I just got my powers recently and I´m not very acquainted with them, but I work a lot with energy,¨ she began before moving to ensure she was in Pietro´s line of sight before continuing. ¨I can tell that your energy doesn't exactly match up with this universe´s.¨

Monica knew that she was bluffing, knew that she was pulling all of this out of nowhere, but she had nowhere else to turn and prayed that her hail mary would work. Pietro stared at her long and hard, his unbroken gaze clearly trying to make her squirm but she wouldn´t have it. This was her plan of attack and he was going to give her a response, she wasn't going to crack, and certainly not for this, admittedly attractive, weasel faced slacker with the sense of humor of a twelve year old.

¨Alright, let's say you caught me. What then, are you gonna fight me?¨ he questioned keeping up his plausible deniability through a facade of good natured joking and humor.

¨Maybe, though I wouldn't think that was the outcome you would want considering how it turned out for you last time.¨ she said seriously. Pietro smirked at her and stood up from his chair, still not breaking eye contact.

¨Oh I remember how it turned out last time, and if you're that desperate to be on top of me again all you have to do is say that babe.¨ he said with a wink. Monica tried to convince herself that the feeling in her stomach was disgust as she pressed on trying to get what she wanted.

¨Just tell me who you are and where you came from and I´ll be on my way.¨ she said. ¨It's really that simple.¨ she added. Pietro shook his head.

¨I wish it was, but there's no way you're keeping that info to yourself and I´m not in the mood to be exposed.¨ he added. Monica gave her retort.

¨I´ve got no one to tell and nothing to gain from telling. But you saw what the Hex did to people, what that kind of magic does to people. If you know something important, if you are someone important for the sake of everyone I have to know.¨ she offered before taking a deep breath and doing what she really didn't want to do. ¨Please.¨ she said and this seemed to soften Pietro considerably.

¨Asking nicely? That's a new one.¨ he muttered to himself before becoming slightly more serious. ¨I don't know why, and really wish I didn´t, but I trust you.¨ he said sincerely. ¨I´ll tell you what you want to know, but I need something from you first.¨ he said seriously.

¨What?” Monica questioned.

¨I've gotta pat you down and make sure you´re not wearing a wire.¨ he offered clearly flirting and the deeply unamused look he got told him to move on. ¨You can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you unless it's absolutely necessary.¨ he said and Monica nodded. Taking a deep breath, he began to explain. ¨My name is Peter, I´m the X-man Quicksilver, and I think I got pulled from my universe into yours by Agatha.¨ he explained and Monica gave him a confused look.

¨You´re what? What's an X-man?¨ she questioned and he gave a quick explanation.

¨It's a superhero team in my universe, that's not the point. The point is I was walking along, living my life and then boom I´m being accosted by this Agatha lady who's putting a necklace on me and telling me something about a long lost sister.¨ he said. Monica took a moment to take this in.

¨So, there’s a multiverse?¨ she questioned and Peter gave her an odd look.

¨You´ve met aliens and you just got super powers, the multiverse surprises you?¨ he asked and Monica thought for a second before shrugging.

¨Yeah I guess you´re right.¨ she responded slightly less shocked. ¨So, you´ve got powers? You're actually really fast?¨ she questioned and despite the fact that she didn't see him move, Peter was suddenly holding the tea kettle from the kitchen.

¨Yeah, fast is a word you could use for it.¨ he responded. ¨Although, I definitely take my time when it counts.¨ he added with yet another wink. Monica once again pretended to be unaffected by his flirting despite how flustered she was starting to feel as she gave her response.

¨I already know who you are, you can stop fake flirting with me.¨ she said looking away and Peter chuckled.

¨Who said it was fake? I didn´t.¨ he responded, still clearly flirting with her. ¨I like that you get what you want.¨ he added and Monica narrowed her eyes trying to continue keeping up her front of being unaffected.

¨I should kick your ass for that comment.¨ she said and Peter laughed.

¨You can do that babe, I love it when a woman can kick my ass.¨ he responded as Monica rolled her eyes and yet inexplicably found herself walking closer to him, closing the distance between them.

¨I was honest with you about my intentions, so maybe you'll return the favor. What are you trying to get out of this? What do you want?¨ she asked, mimicking his line of questioning from earlier as her stomach tied up in knots at just how close they were. Perhaps noticing this himself, Pietro smiled and gave a response.

¨Well, if you´re going to take my line, I guess it's only fair that I take yours.¨ he began as he brought his hand to her face and Monica found herself leaning into the touch. ¨I want you.¨ he said before leaning in and kissing her. She was deeply aware of the fact that every part of this really shouldn't be happening, she had just gone through what was almost certainly the most traumatic week of her life and here she was kissing a guy who she'd just learned was even from the same universe as her. 

Monica couldn´t really bring herself to care as she allowed herself to be enveloped by the kiss as it deepened, the heat and tension between them palpable as their bodies were pressed close to each other, his hand still planted on her cheek while the other wrapped around her pulling her in closer to him, close enough that she really could feel all of the maniac energy pulsing through his veins and she wondered if he could feel the same, two immensely powerful people with enough heat between them to burn out the sun. Monica had no idea what would happen when this kiss ended, but she knew that she would explore every possible avenue, Monica was nothing if not thorough.


End file.
